Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Why I Engaged in Pornography? (Part 3)

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”-- Corinthians 6:18~20
In Part 2, I promised to answer the questions about the truth, “What is it? Where can we find it?”, here in Part 3. However, the more I ponder and research about truth the more I am convinced that it deserves its own series of posts. So instead, I decided that in this final part of my personal testimony, I would go straight to the main question.

So why did I engage in pornography?

After racking my brain for days – recalling, reflecting, analyzing, rewriting and praying – I came up with three important reasons.

(1)  When my classmate showed me his father’s adult magazine, my stand on the topic of pornography was still undefined – I was neither in favor nor against it.

(2) I was introduced to false beliefs that encouraged me to continue with my vice.

(3) The temptation of the flesh was strong.

I could no longer turn back the hands of time and rewrite that shameful part of my past. However, I could still sound the alarm to alert anybody who cares to listen. For even if there’s only one person could avoid the trappings and pitfalls of pornography because of my testimony then I would be happy already.

Since my problem started when I was still a young teenager let me offer my advice to parents with preadolescent children. (A separate post will be published for those who are already addicted to pornography.)

So how can you help your children battle the evils of pornography? 

Don’t get involve with pornography yourself

I learned over the years of being a father to four adorable children that my wife and I teach our children habits and values more by our consistent examples than by our words. I also learned that I cannot give to them what I do not have.

So everyday when my children are around me I am always confronted with question, “Should I stand firm now or let my children suffer in the future for my weakness?” The right choice is never easy but it’s worth it.

Educate your children about sex early on

It is my firm belief that my children deserve to know the truth about sex, and that their best teachers are my wife, and I. I believe that it’s important for them to understand sex not just from the scientific point of view, but more importantly from biblical perspective. And this has to be done soon before another person who doesn’t care about my children as much as I do beat me to it.

When to talk to your children? I believe that as parents we are the authority to answer this question since we know them more than other people do. In my case for example, the first time I talked about it to my eldest daughter when she was 9-year old, and I talk to my second eldest daughter when she was 7-year old. Their circumstances were different.

However, I do have two tips. Start with the question, “Sweety, what do you know about sex?” (Brace yourself for what you are about to hear, but stay calm all the time.) And before you talk to your child, know first what does the Bible say about sex; google it. This is more important than knowing the biology of sex. 
Inculcate to your children the right beliefs

Our beliefs shape our motivation and our motivation propels us into action. According to the Bible, we are judged by the righteousness of our motives, not merely by our words and action because both can be faked. So inculcating the right beliefs to our children should be up there in our priority list along with providing education for them.

From Monday to Friday I take my two children and one niece to their school. The travel time is about 15~30mins depending on the traffic flow. What I do to make this a quality time for them is to use this time to teach them the right beliefs by making them memorize Bible verses, and some of my own principles in life that I learned over the years. 

I cannot promise you that your children or mine will not become pornography addict. No one can because in the end it is their decision. But by modeling the right behavior, by teaching them about sex from biblical standpoint like the passage above, and by inculcating in them the right beliefs we surely give them a good fighting chance.

It is my hope and prayer that by the time when that old familiar scumbag called pornography would pay my children a visit – it will happen for sure – they will be able to say no and walk away, something that I should have done a long time ago.

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