Monday, June 21, 2010

Lured to the Gate, Chained to the Post (Part 2)

Yet like before, I started strong in my effort to change only to falter along the way, I soon fell back into my old addiction again. For a year I did not visit the Kerygfamily website. Still I fought hard day in, and day out, but in the end I got sucked deeper and deeper into a quicksand of sins. Sometime I became too weak, and too used to failure that I offered no more resistance anymore. Whatever strength left in me I used to pray to God that I can overcome my addiction, but I felt that somehow my prayers did not reach him or so I thought.

Then in the later part of 2006, my employer sent me to Japan for a business trip. Normally, during trips like this I stuffed my laptop with secular movies, and of course, adult movies – my cocaine. But on that particular trip, somehow I managed not to bring along with me any adult movies. Instead, I downloaded the talks of Bro. Bo into my laptop. Little did I know that God was preparing me for one big awakening.

On one particular night during my business trip, I returned to my apartment in Shizuoka after an exhausting day. Instead of watching TV, I listened to the talks of Bro. Bo. that I saved in my laptop. One of the stories that he shared was about the story of an orphaned children who lived in a certain mountain, and their last match stick. I was so touched by the story that little tears wet my eyes. Make no mistake, I was not the type of guy who easily cries. But on that particular night, I felt my heart melting away. Then from out of nowhere I heard God spoke to my heart clearly: “You’re fighting alone.” A flood of indescribable emotion came crashing down on me, and left me shaking and crying a bucket as I finally realized what a fool I was all those years. I sinned against a loving God, but I was too proud to ask for his help; my mouth said I’m sorry when my heart really meant I don’t need you, I can handle my addiction on my own. All those years I fought alone with all my might against the gates of hell, and I came down crawling on my knees!

For the first time in my life I give up the idea that I can control my addiction on my own, and instead asked Jesus to help me deal with it since I cannot really handle it alone. I felt a very heavy burden lifted from my shoulder. Then I prayed that he fight with me, and he gladly accepted my invitation. That night marked the beginning of my genuine journey back to God's fold. The changes in me were not instantaneous, it happened little by little, but it was for real. Now I can honestly say that God has totally healed me from my 20-year old addiction to pornography; my God finally broke the chain that was around my neck for the longest time. And I am eternally grateful to him, and to the people like Bro. Bo Sanchez, and my good friend Gerson Boston whom he sent to me during the dark moments of life.

After God healed me, I decided to serve him by sharing my story to the world with the hope that God will use me to connect more people back to him. If anyone would have asked me two years ago if I can spread God words, my answer would have been a resounding no. But God is a god of positive changes, and miracles. Last year I started sharing God's words to my fellow officemates, and early this year I started a blog called the Daily Snacks for Soul where I shared my stories, and that of others which can inspire people, and help them connect to their creator. It is my hope that somehow God will use me for his divine purpose. After all, I won’t be here forever, so I might as well use my time here to help as many Lee’s out there as I can, and to do things that really matter in eternity.

PS: One of the early sayings I learned while a teenager is, "It's never too late to change for the better." And with God fighting on your side, no addiction is too big a mountain to conquer.